speaking and listening

Last week I completed my (please please hopefully) final EIU English Language Arts reflective essay, explaining the ways I assess students through the various components–reading, writing, speaking, listening, technology, and media literacy. As I thought back to my home placement, I admitted that those middle two may have been the least covered, but speaking and listening are becoming the two most important functions of language in my time abroad.

Several classroom experiences had me considering the idea of speaking, both in my observations of students and my own teaching. I have now almost entirely taken over several classes, ranging from basic English practice with first years (as young as ten years old!) to more advanced literature studies with upper-level students; some lessons I am assigning exercises straight from workbooks, while in other classes I am creating materials and activities closer to my own interests and previous experience. Then there is the good old Wasp Reporter, a magazine of pop culture and current event articles that students read and respond to every week. But whether I am speaking about Miley Cyrus’s dogs, the electoral college, ancient Greek drama, or the past participle, I am learning to be very intentional and articulate in the words I use to express my ideas and ensure that students can and do understand.

And clearly these efforts are paying off–just this week it was announced that the Dutch have surpassed the Danes and Swedes and now rank #1 as the highest proficient non-native English speakers. Not merely coincidental that this change happened after a few weeks wth Miss P in town, right?

No, but I’d say my communication skills have been even further challenged through classroom management. Whereas most of the students listen intently, nodding and smiling at whatever it is I have to say, there are a few rowdier classes. So it’s not just attempting to access their content-specific, level-appropriate vocabulary but also telling them to chill out and quiet down, gaining their attention and respect despite the language barrier that often just leaves me cringingly, ineffectively shhhhing. It gets frustrating, but I am also realizing how much language differences affects the students as well.

For example, the other day, a class was giving book reports. The first presenter shared a fascinating description of Virginia Woolf’s biography of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s dog. She spoke so passionately, so fluently, but so so fast. The teacher bluntly but supportively commented that she will need to calm her nerves and slow her speech in preparation for the upcoming oral exams. The kind of pressure associated with these high-stakes assessments became evident in the next presentation–the student was clearly so well-prepared and rehearsed that when she stumbled over a word she couldn’t recall, she could not continue and completely shut down to silence.

Speaking is difficult, in mother and foreign tongues, but it is so necessary–as a Common Core ELA strand to measure student development, sure. More fundamentally and importantly, though, it is an essential means of communication that enables us to understand each other, to teach each other, and, why not refrain to an earlier post, to learn to be better people together.

I had already started writing about this on the Metro ride home from the field trip I took on Friday–while the group was talking to each other in Dutch, I started scrawling in my journal, but I was gladly interrupted by a student who came and sat down next to me to ask a few questions and engage in a great conversation. She not only showed off that #1 Dutch proficiency but also curiosity and confidence–the same kind of confidence, by the way, that her peer was able to regain with the book report when she reentered the room and completed her presentation.

These students are seriously so impressive, and as we speak and listen together, they’re making quite an impression on me, especially during that trip to Den Haag. I had the neat opportunity to travel to this cultural and governmental center with a group of fifth-year students and three (all very very tall) teachers. As a student teacher in this setting, I was feeling a little more like the former part of my role than the latter, partly due to the height difference but more so in they way they taught me about the city in general and the specific sites we visited.

First was the Gemeentemuseum, which hosts an extensive collection of Piet Mondrian. The museum itself is often thought to have been especially with this Dutch artist’s style in mind, with its gridded lines and stark contrast of copper against yellow bricks (different from the typical Dutch color scheme–also, I’ve started noticing how often this phrase is used to classify anything from croquettes and brick color to mannerisms and frugality. It’s all just “typical Dutch,” and it’s so typical Dutch the way they always proudly but modestly state it with a small smile and slight shoulder shrug), but one teacher first explained outside the building, it was constructed with the idea that “form follows function.” The fact that the acquisition of Mondrian’s works functioned to fit the form so well is merely coincidental.

As we entered the museum, this teacher actually came up and apologized to me, explaining that beyond this little architectural catchphrase, the rest of his lecture throughout the tour would be in Dutch. He said that if he could share the stories in English, he would, but he could only find the true meaning in his own language. I told him he didn’t have to worry–art doesn’t need words. But as I stood listening among the students, I understood the profundity within his remarks through his inflections, his gestures, and his eventual dancing in front of Mondrian’s final work, “Broadway Boogie Woogie.”

After such a performance, he deserved the coffee break that followed; when the students were released to explore another exhibition of sculptures, the teachers snuck–literally snuck, at one point, through a full-scale, interactive labyrinth piece–down to the museum’s café, which of course elicited dramatic jealousy from the kids when they discovered us with warm beverages, and, ohh yes, typical Dutch Dutch apple pie. Similar responses were voiced later when, in that classic field trip kind of way, the teachers accidentally returned late from lunch to the appointed meeting spot. Again, another situation where without comprehending their words, I could perfectly understand everything the kids were saying through their dramatic whines.

Their complaints subsided, though, by the time we reached our next destination, Mauritshuis, a museum that contains the Royal Cabinet of Paintings, including Vermeer, Rembrant, and other artists of the Dutch Golden Age. The gilded nature of this period is reflected (sometimes also literally) in the lavish interior and contents of the home, which counters the typical Dutch conservative sensibility.

For example, contrast this lovely, ornate, creepy candle holder within the house to the simple tower found just outside the museum–this is where the Dutch Prime Minister works. So gezellig.

The students were again released to explore the art on their own, which left me with the privilege of a personal tour guided by that same teacher, this time in a language where I could fully understand his incredible descriptions. He not only shared his interpretations of the pieces but also explained how they were created and how they fit into the context of the home–what they might say to guests if art did have words.

I listened in complete awe until he typical-Dutch-melodramatically grabbed my shoulders and led me to the Netherlands’s greatest artistic pride: Girl with a Pearl Earring. He just let me take her in in silence for a few moments, before again offering his ideas, telling me the history of the lady who may have inspired the portrait and pointing out the perfect focal triangle across her eyes (looking), her adorned ear (listening), and her lips (glistening and parted ever so slightly as if maybe just maybe speaking).

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Like how all art derives from some kind of inspiration, I can’t make this stuff up. These connections just happen along the way and sometimes become recognizable when I have the time to sit and think and write about it all (you know, just engaging an essential ELA strand before putting yet another to use through my media literacy skillz in the space of this blog). Like I mentioned, I had started composing this post on the Metro ride home, then I picked it back up the next day on what ended up being a much-longer-than-expected train ride to Utrecht to visit our COST program coordinator. It was only through actively speaking and listening to a stranger that I was able that due to a jumper on the tracks (uh yikes), our direct route was cancelled, and we had to follow this new friend from station to station all divertedly around the nation, leaving me even more thankful for the Dutch and their number one bilingualism.

The learning never relents, as, apparently, don’t the public transportation issues. I am just happy and grateful to be along for whatever ride it all brings.

an american in paris in rotterdam

Being a musician abroad means being enthralled by all the opportunities to hear world-class symphonic sound in such close proximity. Enthralled, but also overwhelmed upon attempting to make real plans out of all these opportunities. Where do I want to go? Who do I want to hear? Dusseldorf? Mahler? Zydeco? Bach? Swedes? A Special Sinterklaas Spectacle? 

When my mom made an early birthday offer to purchase a ticket to the concert of my choosing, I took a deep breath before launching into yet another fine-less D.C. al Google search but suddenly remembered something on my phone, hidden amidst photos of bikes, canals, and rainy leaves:

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Upon looking up the details, I learned that the Gershwin Gala was happening in Rotterdam on Monday, November 14. My Rhapsody-loving self was indeed enthralled by this well-timed opportunity to hear the world-class sound of the New Romanian Symphony Orchestra and Choir in very very close proximity–just a walk away from my school.

Alright, that “just a walk away” ended up being a four mile trek through cobbly streets in some on-and-off-again chilly kind of rain. I could have easily just taken the tram across the city, but my rhapsodic heart was set on the adventure. And my hungry heart was set on Bagels & Beans. All throughout the trek, I pictured that gourmet sandwich alongside a warming mug of coffee, but upon arriving, as I fumbled to close my umbrella and remove my damp gloves, I was informed by the server in flusteredly translated Dutch that they were closing in a few minutes. My sigh was visible in the cool air as I returned to the streets and wandered some more blocks before stumbling upon this treat yo self alternative:

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I mean, that goat cheese just screams (or maybe bleats) sophistication, which is the mature, almost-birthday-girl kind of spirit that I tried to carry into de Doulen, the concert venue, as I idiotically ambled around the other much more actually classy patrons. And okay, I might be turning another year older, but I was quite possibly the youngest person in the crowd. I had no cares in the world, though, as I found my seat in the front row behind the ensemble, staged my essential millennial program-and-out-of-focus-stage-background Instagram shot, and settled my youthful self in to receive the sound.

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Besides the scuffle and shuffle of orchestra members walking onto the stage and setting music on stands, that first sound we received was the Girl Crazy Overture. I felt my heart swell alongside the melody as “Embraceable You” resonated with comforting familiarity. It might be coming from the Netherlands, but Gershwin’s music creates an undeniable, lovable American feeling.

It wasn’t just a sonic experience but also visual. Because I am primarily around other reserved wind musicians, I sometimes forget how purely physical music can be. I was mesmerized watching the bows and bodies of the string players move together through the sound. And I had such a unique vantage point–I could see the scraggly gray hair of the director frame his sometimes strained and sometimes serene facial expressions  s he orchestrated the sound and the movement. From this perspective, I felt just as much within the ensemble as I was two springs ago for EIU Wind Symphony’s Gershwin Gala, when we played the next two classics.

An American in Paris is just such a funny piece. Funny in a silly way that it does kind of make you giggle alongside the taxi horns–the New Romanians, by the way, opted to honk up the old key–but also funny in a strangely relatable way. As the harmonies and themes develop across the piece, it creates such a strong sense of anticipation leading either to those weird moments (i.e. honking percussionists, sliding trombones, squealing trumpets) or to some spectacularly fulfilling moments (i.e. gorgeous, resonate, full ensemble chords). Which, in my state of strange reliability, felt a lot like being an American in Rotterdam.

Traveling entails so much anticipation: meticulous deliberating, planning, waiting waiting waiting in excitement. And it’s oh so often followed by weird, unexpected moments. Like being denied a long awaited bagel. But despite these awkward honks, slides, and squeaks, my traveler’s tune always carries on, often to the metronome of aching feet on pavement, eventually leading to those beautifully harmonious moments. A goat cheese salad, for instance. Or the notes of Gershwin, which somehow exactly capture the experience abroad, especially in those last few phrases that just don’t want to go home yet: the high brassy brass, the sultry jazz motif, a swelling chord, then  finally, finally that last hit together. Makes you want to explore, makes you want to hear and see so much more.

Luckily, there was still so much more in the program for us listeners in our plushy purple seats, some of us (read: short Helen, another year older but no inches taller) literally on the edge of them. We watched as the grand piano was rolled to the center of the stage, creating a new sense of shared anticipation, the same excited, expectant feeling I saw shared through the director’s smile and subtle nod to the principal clarinetist. A pause. A breath. That gliss.

For this piece, I don’t have so much description as my own memories. From All-American Band and Wind Symphony rehearsals and performances to the soundtrack of the United Airlines safety video that preceded my flight here, I have been many places with Rhapsody in Blue. Sometimes you follow the music, sometimes the music follows you.

The not-so-lofty realities of being a rhapsodic, adventuresome traveler started hitting, though, as the pianist returned to hit a few notes in a flashy, jazzy encore. The frantic speed of his fingers reflected the sudden pounding in my heart when I glanced at my watch. Music takes and makes time, but so do busses. With an intermission and the Porgy and Bess Suite still to come, I realized the last possible departure time I had written down, just in case, was just the case.

The second half of the concert was just as resonate and moving, but I can’t deny that Porgy and Bess’s narrative was partially obscured by my own inner commentary, constantly comparing the ticking minutes hand to the dwindling set list, until making the decision to take “Lawd, I’m on my Way” seriously. I got up during the applause preceding this last little piece, but even from the exit wing, the voices of the choir ringing alongside the orchestra created that world-class sound my world traveling heart sought.

And for my final toot of a horn: Thanks, Mom!

 

writing like Anne Frank in the world of today

“Struck me this morning how on the day in the United States when we express our most cherished freedom, you are visiting a world symbol of suffering, racism, and fear. Can’t wait to read about your experience.”

I received this message from my mom on Tuesday after spending my morning at the Anne Frank House, and I responded that she had no idea how much her thoughts resonated. And I had indeed already been writing plenty about the deeply impacting experience that I was likewise looking forward to sharing with her and the rest of my readers. I went to bed that night planning on revising a little then making a post the following day, but then:

“Struck me this morning that our new president has been compared to the man who is responsible for there even being a museum for you to visit in Amsterdam. Sheesh.”

Again, my mom and her striking thoughts rang with all my complicated feelings. Like her, we have all been hit with a lot this week, a lot that I just was not expecting in relation to the history and spirit of humanity I like to believe. It has admittedly affected me greatly—as a traveler, as a teacher, and as a writer. Everything I had begun composing about Anne Frank seemed even more important yet even more inexpressible. I paused for a few days and abandoned the WordPress machine, but I am realizing that my words, my perspective, my voice have a role in the history and humanity of this, the 21st-century, so I will let it continue to speak through this, my 21st-century blog.

I have received some meaningful feedback lately from several friends and mentors, which is so encouraging because to be Anne-Frank-ly frank, I find this such a difficult genre to write within. There’s such a different voice that puts thought to word peacefully in the pages of my journal than the voice that puts thought through endless self-imposed filters of criticism, into little square clacking buttons with an “i” key that frustratingly sticks all the time, and onto a screen that represents some unfathomable digital realm. I want to be a serious writer in modern society, and I want to share my travel stories with the seven-hour-delayed-otherwise-live-studio-audience of home. I like having this space, and I appreciate the rhetorical challenges it imposes. But man, it is so much simpler to mindlessly, anonymously, illegibly scrawl cursive onto paper without the peering gaze of peers.

I am learning, though, to write like Anne Frank—both in style and in purpose. So, the remainder of this post (text-heavy and picture-less because (sorry again, Hannah) no photography allowed at the Anne Frank House, so feel free to bookmark it or put it back on the hypothetical digital shelf) will come almost directly and authentically from my journal (almost because a little recursive revision is okay—I learned that Anne Frank actually rewrote a lot of her own work in anticipation for post-war publication). I’ll share what I wrote before, during, and after my experience at the museum—some written just for myself, some written with blogged intentions, but all written, I am realizing, for and of this crazy world of today.

 

Monday, November 7, 2016 / 10:35 pm / Oud-Beijerland

Today I explained the term “meta-” to a student in that crazy loud 4G1 class in relation to that weird Miley Cyrus article, and as I am thinking about it now, I can illustrate the meaning with my feelings while reading The Diary of Anne Frank. The way she reflects upon her life, remaining so confident yet critical of herself, reflects my own rhetoric when I write about myself and the world.

Tomorrow I will take myself (or rather—a bus, the metro, and a train will take me) to Amsterdam, and I will enter the home where this incredible, honest, fragile narrative was composed as she composed herself. Dual meaning in words, like she ponders towards the end with “contradictions,” yet the idea of translation—that her thoughts were thought and written in Dutch before being translated in received in English by me—still strikes me as a hindrance upon full feeling, but all language, whether original intent or rethought and retold through translation, does that to itself. Words written, even with the intent of reaching a certain audience or conveying a particular message are entirely, inevitably fallibly.

Then transpose that idea into the context of a girl writing to an imagined Kitty to survive, and yet somehow her words do create a deeply affecting story that chronicles the way life was and how it can never be. It’s an orphic, magnificent kind of moment just out of reach, but attempting that reach and doing something to feel something anyway is magnificent enough. Although there is never enough, and that is why we continue reaching and hoping, like Anne, that our ideals can be achieved.

But her writing also reminds me that even when we feel most alone, we are not alone in the world. In goodly good and terribly terrible ways, the intersections of lives, by any means, have an impact on each other and impose the changes that individuals are tasked with handling.

The best way I know to handle it, and I think Anne would agree, is to write. And to listen. And to see, and feel, and be alive. All while thinking about the Ottos and Margots and Mieps and Peter to my Anne because love is one of those goodly good feelings worth keeping around. So, Kitty, I’ll see you around, likely on cushioned seat somewhere with intensely numb but hopefully thawing with a mug of coffee hands.

I also want to point out the lady in the teachers’ room this afternoon who physically reacted every time I bit into my apple. Sorry, I’m just one of the intersecting lives you have to live with.

 

Tuesday, November 8, 2016 / 12:03 pm / Anne Frank Huis, Amsterdam

It made me miss my family, amidst all everything else that I felt and am feeling. Later I can put these thoughts on annefrank.org/reflections, but for now I am neglecting those friendly computer screens and instead taking this bench to reflect in this way that I know.

Resilience through it all, whatever whenever it is.

And it made me continue thinking about myself as a writer and this crazy physical thing in my lap, which, in a loosely metaphorical way, is my secret annex, hiding my thoughts, those that, like Otto Frank, my dad or anyone could never truly know. But my annex has no forced purpose. I can use my words to speak to others, and I know I will. No matter what happens in the next pages and phases of my life, I will keep writing. That is how Anne Frank, with her translated thoughts and the physical spaces of her life, is inspiring me and impacting me and teaching me, and that is what words should do.

Learning happens through stories, and hers is just one representation of a tragedy and triumph of humanity.

 

4:45 pm / de Oude Wester Café

Was on a hunt for apple pie and wifi, and my indeed apparently numb and shaky hands just found both. We’ll pretend that I took my gawky EIU halfzip off with my coat and that I am chilling all cool in my cool, chill kind of sweater, but the dim candle lighting is setting the vibe just fine. And the apple pie is here, with his surprise friend whipped cream, and it is good. Like holy cow. And oh my gosh, there are cats here. Perfect end to a day in Amsterdam, just avoiding getting back on those public transporatations now. Slowly savoring the bites and moments, but running out of time and cloudlight.

 

6:01 pm / Amsterdam Centraal to Rotterdam Centraal

I’m thinking that blog-wise, I really don’t want to gripe over public transportation and other clueless woes, so I am going to focus energy onto settling into some thoughts about Anne Frank and writing.

The thought occurred to me last minute before Mom left to take me to O’Hare to ask her to grab The Diary of Anne Frank—the only real piece of Dutch literature I am familiar with. Following my Harlaxton trip, where every day in England was guided by a British text, I wanted that same contextualizing experience a book provides. So even though I self-consciously smothered Anne’s cover-page face at the airport, not wanting to seem like a nerdy tourist English teacher, I found in those pages exactly the comfort I sought and more.

Here was a girl, just a few pages into the book, expressing: “I hope I shall be able to confide in you completely as I have never been able to do in anyone before, and I hope that you will be a great support and comfort to me.” And there I was, a girl just a couple pages into a new journal, sitting in a terminal then aboard an airplane doing nothing but reading and writing to stay calm throughout what could otherwise be a terrifying experience if thought through the wrong perspective (and to keep myself awake because I didn’t want a repeat of my sickly waking moments on the flight to England; even though the passengers around me may have been disgruntled with my overhead light on throughout their attempted red-eye slumbers, I am pretty certain they would prefer that over the alternative as well).

And so, parenthetical aside, that situation—a terrifying experience if thought through the wrong perspective—sounds fairly similar to me, just on an intensely more drastic and impacting scale. Forced into hiding on the basis of religion, condemned to remain indoors for over two years, threatened by the immediate, immense danger of war right outside those blackened windows, Anne Frank wrote. She chronicled those moments of her individual reality within the horrific society, yet her way her writing is so honest and innocent may be what is so emotionally wracking of all. She writes about the angst of being a teenager, the joys of reading, the annoyances of living with other people, so when her entries suddenly end, it takes a moment to remember why.

I had the opportunity to visit the physical space that makes that why speak as loud as Anne’s words, and I numbly walked away with a newfound perspective that I am still trying to grapple with.

I could and should attempt to chronicle my own honest woes of getting to the House—taking an extra train on accident, having the correct train break down and force a new, longer route, breathlessly speed-walking up to the line attendant an hour after my ticket was scheduled for admittance, blurting my rehearsed line, “TherewasaswitchboardfailureonmytrainandIgothereassoonasIcould,” and being let inside no problem. But these are the kind of idiot traveler moments I never really feel like bloggedly admitted to (so I sometimes hide them in parentheses, see above).

 

10:25 pm / Oud-Beijerland

Instead I want to write about the experience of being there and its ongoing effect.

The development of the museum is perfect. It begins by setting the context with text—quotes on the walls in both the original Dutch and translated English—and a few videos. The path then leads through the front office spaces of the building, establishing the everyday reality that continued despite the war in the world outside its doors and the effects upon individual lives hidden behind it.

There is also a display case holding a fabric yellow star. Seeing the symbol and registering its truth set the somber tone that I carried with me throughout the tour that followed. It’s self-guided, allowing unlimited time to stare and to think, and as I stared at and thought about the faces of the other guests ambling at a pace relative to mine, I found a shared sense of understanding the depth of what we were walking through together.

Together we walked through the original moveable bookcase, then we filled rooms of the Annex left otherwise empty, a decision made by Otto Frank not to restore any of the furniture or home artifacts, which represents the void left by the rest of his family.

My mind did what it normally does in museums. I look at everything, I read it all—in attempted Dutch and in clarifying English to really get my 9 euro’s worth–but in actuality, the descriptions make hardly any lasting impact in comparison to the thoughts that develop in response to it all. At one point, I heard myself thinking, I really miss my family, then caught myself, Is that terrible? To be somehow, in a sense, jealous of a family forcibly confined together in a terrible state of outward affairs and inner conditions, while meanwhile I have decided by my own freewill to ditch the proximity of mine for a few weeks and travel the world by myself?

Then I saw myself, alone.

One of the last few rooms within the Annex itself is the bathroom, and on the mirror are some explanations etched in white. It has to be another one of those deliberately, but maybe more subtly, symbolic decisions because it forces the reader to see their self behind those words. And there I was, in close proximity to many other guests—but alone.

Like Anne Frank, an individual consoling herself through the pages of a diary, now laid open for all eyes near the end of the tour. It was in this room where I really began thinking about the act of her writing through it all…or all that she could. And it made me think about the physical pages of my journal—what story they tell, what purpose they have, and what will happen to them.

I am not alone in this meta- kind of experience. One of the final aspects, I am sure designed to ease the transition back into our reality now in the world beyond the Annex, is a short film featuring various writers and influential figures describing the impact Anne Frank’s story has had on them, and the adjacent room invites guests to do the same. There are several screens waiting to receive reflections, but being averse to the instant uncertification of digital publication that I am, I instead sat on the waiting bench and took out my old-fashioned recorder.

However, one of my greatest takeaways from this experience is the idea that the words I scrawl here have meaning as well.

Back to the reality of teaching tomorrow. Thoughts on thoughts on thoughts.

 

Saturday, November 12, 2016 / 1:28 pm / Oud-Beijerland

And so came that tomorrow and all its realities in the world, then the many tomorrows until today. That’s all the thoughts on thoughts I can clack for today…mostly because I am  about to go see Sinterklaas! Cute pictures and fun stories will entail, I’m sure.

learning to be a better person

The title of this post is a quote spoken by my host yesterday during our day trip to the village where her mom grew up, Zierikzee, in the coastal province of Zeeland. To try and relate all the stories she told–about flood survivors, refugees, little Sunday School kinderen–and the conversations we had–with a field hockey player, a painter, an alternative doctor/marketing specialist/CFO/lumber worker–would simply not be possible in the space of a rushed and exhausted blog post. I have just been listening and thinking, trusting that all I am hearing will have a lasting impact in my life and that someday I will be able to share these stories in a meaningful way to help others learn to be better people as well.

Because that’s what education comes down to. It’s what I am enabling for students in my classrooms, and it’s how I am developing for myself as a student, teacher, and writer abroad. For now, I will give words a rest and let some pictures with minimal captions share my narrative instead because I am also learning to be a better WordPress photo embedder, although I’m not sure this area is having such a powerful impact yet.

The North Sea (the first and only ocean I have ever touched), west coast edition.

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A compilation of Helen and Charity pictures captured throughout the day.

Ascending “Fat Tower” (officially translated as Grand Tower, which just doesn’t work the same).

Views above and around Zierikzee.

Good koffie and great company.

And one more thing that shaky-front-seat-iPhone pictures can’t quite capture: on our way home, we drove through a double rainbow. No words.

 

really doing it

I’ll start this post the way I often like to start my lessons–with a rambling, loosely related but then sometimes somehow meaningful little story, full of my weird sense of humor that usually phases past the blank stares of students, besides the couple of front-row kind of girls who always smile anyway:

One time my brother-and-law and I ran the Peoria Steamboat 10k. Before the race began, Mike was being his usual self with his lame jokes that make us such good pals; as we stood among the hoards of people, he was first asking kids where the starting line was, also met with blank stares. Then he modulated into, “Is this the Occupy Peoria protest?” which got a few grunted laughs from the middle-aged men around us in their bright, ill-fitting attire. Anyway. When the gun went off and everyone started slow motion tip-toe-trotting on top of each other in that awkward way that races always begin, Mike starts exclaiming, “We’re doing it, Helen! We’re really doing it!!!” So cheesy, so embarrassing, but so often stuck in my head as an ongoing mantra.

His voice hollering these words actually came to mind the other night while I was on my own evening run. Not on the hot, crowded streets of Peoria but over the damp fallen leaves in Oud-Beijerland. It was only later that I realized how much-needed that run was for stress relief and solitude. Because that’s the thing about this experience. In all realness and honesty, it has been really and honestly emotionally exhausting.

The whole rollercoaster diagram they show on a Powerpoint at study abroad orientation is entirely, inevitably accurate. I’ve ridden it twice. As I reflect on my experience already, I can see how so many moments align with my feelings in England, yet with even higher peaks and deeper plunges than before when I was surrounded by peers, faculty, and English-speaking strangers. I am falling more in love with the Netherlands every day, but the stress of it all is a lot to handle. And life at home doesn’t stop either–World Series are being won, tricks are being treated, and my emailed inquires are being received through a seven hour time difference as I try to figure out what on earth I’ll be doing next upon landing back at O’Hare in December.

So much uncertainty. It’s a pretty common theme throughout the entirety of this blog, both from home and abroad (And class, who can remind me what a theme is? Have you heard this word in literature classes before? Do you have a Dutch word for this?…yes, mhmm, very good!).

 

Nonetheless, I am recognizing how all of these thoughts subside while I am teaching. Instead, they’re replaced by that overly enthusiastic cry, “You’re really doing it!!” I am teaching in the Netherlands. I am really doing it. The pen scribbles all over my planner demonstrate how I am still trying to make sense of what exactly I am doing, kind of like that scrambled mess at the start of a race, but I am trotting away, taking an active role in a variety of classes, with photographic evidence:

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While most of the English classes are primarily instructed through workbook exercises and guided readings, it is my responsibility to bring in an American cultural perspective and provide different ways to engage in the language, such as these debates and mock elections. Clinton landslidedly won, by the way, if a class of gifted Dutch kids is any sort of indication.

I am also taking on a few upper-level courses’ literature studies, which is where I feel most well-versed and comfortable. I started a unit on The Development of English Drama, guided by the lecture notes of another teacher, and even though I don’t know much about Aeschylus and Euripides myself, I can stand up there and feign confidence in pronouncing their names and explaining their important developments into this beautiful tradition, then connecting their contributions into the modern practices that students and myself are most familiar with.

After one of those lessons, the teacher told me that she thinks the students really seem to enjoy just listening to me, which was such a cool compliment to receive. When the bell  rings, the content of the lesson doesn’t so much matter as the idea that interactions happened with students that pushed their minds through another language.

A language that is, indeed, crazy. My cooperating teacher showed this video during her introduction to a new class of first-year Cambridge students. These lessons are supplemental, optional, and prepare students to take the Cambridge exam, which can certify them to attend English-speaking universities abroad.

 

 

Her students attempted to decipher some of the meaning behind the ridiculous expressions and complexities of my mother tongue (I’ll never forget how one kid said he remembers the British and American differences in words like “colour” and “color”: America is always trying to get rid of u.), then they began explaining why they thought learning English was important, both in their present lives, wanting to comprehend viral Youtube videos, and in their anticipated futures, going off to study, work, and make a difference in a multicultural world.

Which, hey, kind of sounds like what I’m doing. We’re really doing it.

taking in Rotterdam

It isn’t every day two measly student teachers get to sleep in a luxury apartment fitted into the incredible skylines of a vast and vibrant city, but we sure did. Nico and Bibi generously let us stay in one of their AirBnB studios for the night as we ventured through Rotterdam for the first time.

The place itself was so nice and so cozy,

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with a rooftop garden just above,

and amazing views just beyond.

What’s so incredible about these vast and vibrant views is how relatively young they are, reconstructed upon the destruction of WWII. Lodged right between Germany and Britain, the Netherlands provided the ideal air and naval base for Hitler’s military; although the nation had intended to remain just as neutral as it was during the first world war, increasing pressure necessitated otherwise. On May 14, 1940, Germans invaded and the Rotterdam Blitz ensued. Bombs struck residential and commercial areas, then flames ripped into a relentless firestorm. Human lives–nearly 1,000–were ended, and physical presence of Rotterdam’s medieval history was erased from view.

Thus, the stories of this city are seen in what has developed despite and upon its losses. Rotterdam is now known for its modern architecture (and so cool to be living in the home of one of its contributors). A skyline of skyscrapers contrasts the traditional, conservative vistas seen across the rest of the nation, yet built through economic necessity, they provide what I think is a beautiful narrative of human and structural resilience.

As we walked through the stone-laid streets (stones, I have learned from Nico, laid purposefully for easy removal and frequent revision due to the low low sea-level because Rotterdam is also a very important port, probably a post for another time, already with the whole imPORTant title pun in the works…), we stopped at a couple of notable sites within this landscape, including:

Markthal–an indoor food court and market below an arch of residential and office buildings, opened just in 2014.

Kijk Kubus–a “forest of urban treetops” built in the 1970s as an attempt to draw residents into the city center through these unique apartments.

Witte Huis–not the White House I taught my Dutch students about in our lesson about America on Friday but rather one of the few buildings that survived the Rotterdam Blitz. Some charring is evident along one side but it otherwise stands a fully functional now office building along the water.

I’m realizing how lucky I am with the way my placement worked out. Normally the COST students who teach at my school in Rotterdam live alone in apartments downtown, but I somehow landed this perfect opportunity to reside in a town across the water with two generous and impressive hosts. It was a good feeling in the backseat of Bibi’s car, leaving the vastness and vibrancy, passing an old windmill along the field, and returning to our home in Oud-Beijerland. I have never been a city person, but I enjoy visiting.

I enjoy walking, I enjoy buying flowers, I really enjoy eating frites. Apparently I do not enjoy drinking Turkish coffee that I accidentally ordered, as Charity so perfectly captured in that picture.

And last night, as I sat out on our balcony (Because, gee wiz, it also isn’t every late October you can comfortably relax outdoors, in America or in Holland. We had the best weather to be out and about this weekend.), hearing the chatter of people below and seeing the lights of buildings beyond, I felt the comfort that a city offers. Reassurance that life is happening and has happened. That narrative of resilience in the voices and the views.

In my Rotterdam research, I came across this poem. Because Google Translate does not have a PhD in Comparative Literature with a Literary Translation certificate (such as one of the many vast and vibrant potential post-this life paths I am considering…), the English I’m copy-and-pasting below is rough. I am hoping to sit down with one of my hosts and really work out some of the meaning together, but I think the sentiments for now still capture so much of what I am taking out of Rotterdam.

Rotterdam brandt (Hester Knibbe, 2016)

Wat ik zie tart het licht.
Het gaat schuil achter wolken
rook hellegloed roet, het gaat schuil
achter huiver die mij besluipt.

Ooggetuige van afstand, verbeeld ik mij
wat daarginds woedt, terwijl hier de daken
nog helder de weg nog begaanbaar
in de berm uitbundige meibloei. Dus

moet ik, dus pak ik mijn donkerste rood mijn okerste
oker, de kleuren van lente en nacht en

leg vast: langs de horizon
kruipt een lichterlaaie, brand
in de stad in het hoofd in het hart brand
in de verf op mijn palet brand, maar ik schilder
verzet me ertegen, kwast moord en brand
op het doek dat onder mijn hand
brand vangt. Ik

ben getuige, ik
leg het vast.

Rotterdam burns (Hester Knibbe, 2016)

What I see defy the light.
It is hidden behind clouds
hell glow smoke soot, it hides
behind shudder stalking me.

Eyewitness distance, I imagine
which is raging there, while here the rooftops
still clear the road still passable
in the roadside exuberant meibloei. so

I have, so I take my darkest red my okerste
ocher, the color of spring and night

capture: along the horizon
crawls a ablaze, fire
in the city in the head in the center fire
in the paint on my palette fire, but I paint
oppose it, brush murder
on the canvas under my hand
catches fire. I

I witness, I
lay it down.

being that woman in the corner

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Welkom bij Zuider Gymnasium.

No, this place is not one giant P.E. class–Gymnasium, Atheneum, and Lyceum are the three classifications of upper level schooling (essentially high schools) in the Netherlands. Placement is determined by an exam students take at 12 years old alongside a portfolio compiled throughout primary school. Students must attend Gymnasium or Atheneum in order to attend University, and the only real difference between the two is that Latin and Greek are taught at the former and not the latter. Just one of the many, many things I have learned (or, attempted to understand) over the past three days.

It has been overwhelming–meeting faculty and students, finding my way around the building, figuring out the seemingly-always-changing bell schedule (but taking consolation in the fact that the other teachers seem equally lost half the time). Things that would already be tough to navigate without the added bonus of it all being in Dutch. The language barrier has been more challenging than I had ever expected, but I’m learning so much. Learning some words and phrases, yes, and I hope to build as much fluency as possible while I’m here, but moreso learning about people and places and things that go beyond words.

These thoughts have been thought while observing different classes, or, as one student put it, “Who is that woman in the corner?” I’ll admit, it’s tough as an enthusiastic educator to go from being totally responsible for teaching six classes to go back to sitting back in the back of the room, but it’s so necessary as I adjust to everything this new setting entails. New students, new content, new methods, and the biggie–new language, yet somehow so much still the same.

For example, kids look and act like kids no matter where they are. Although I have been in classes where English is being taught, it is not always the language of instruction nor the language of conversation between the chatty students. Sometimes when I start getting frustrated by my own lack of comprehension, I have to remind myself that I just have this amazing opportunity to watch what is going on in a classroom so far away from anything I’ll ever see otherwise, to see a diverse range of individuals living their wild adolescent lives in school.

There really is a lot of diversity, both in terms of ethnicities and personalities. I have been able to guage the different characteristics of the classes whenever the teacher gives the opportunity to ask that woman in the corner some questions. Reception has been about 50/50: some classes are intimidated by having a real live American in the room, others super eager to hear what this woman has to say.

The conversation almost always began with, “In what state do you live?” followed by inquires like, “How old are you?” “Are you married?” (which, by the way, still always surprises me as a legitimate question a woman in the corner my age can be asked) and “Why did you come to Holland?” They would then go from the classic small-talk topic of conversation worldwide: “What do you think of the weather?” and jump straight to: “Who are you voting for?”

Oh yes, these kids know so much about the United States elections (much more than the student in my class in Illinois who once wrote about “Ronald Trombe”). One girl approached me directly with an abundance of insightful questions, and it was so cool to hear her perspective as I shared my opinion. I had asked my cooperating teacher if it was okay to talk about politics with students, since it is so unheard of for teachers in America, and she could not understand the taboo at all. It’s going to be a great topical and cultural teaching opportunity here soon once I step to the front of the room.

What my actual role in the classroom will be is still to be fully determined. There is a lot of ambiguity and uncertainty in the way my abilities will work into other teachers’ schedules. Because that’s another similarity teachers deal with all over.

I was able to witness these challenges at a staff meeting after my first day. The teachers first viewed a video some guy made about the school–I’m still not entirely sure the motives and purpose of this review, but it is indeed in English for anyone interested in learning more about the school. The teachers then broke into Dutch to discuss and problem solve. Without knowing the words, I could still detect the sentiments of their conversations; my cooperating teacher’s intermittent translations in my ear affirmed that teachers here struggle with the same issues as American educators in terms of large concepts like planning, organization, and communication.

At one point, the small group I was sitting near switched into English to solicit the perspective of the woman in the corner. They were curious about how our electives and course scheduling works because their students have no choice in their classes. I explained through my experiences some of the merits and downfalls, but our frustrated looks expressed the same conclusion: there are no perfect models.

But it’s interesting to compare.

Among the questions I have been asked by both students and teachers, I am also being asked to make comparisons and give superlatives–the biggest, the most, the strangest, etc. My indecisive nature is never good at answering these kinds of inquiries in the first place, and there is still so much left to learn and decipher, both in the school specifically and through my overall experience in Holland. I have no answers yet, but I am excited to learn, decipher, and grow through it all as I move from the corner, to the front, on public transportation (because yes, I have now successfully (albeit terrifiedly) taken the bus into Rotterdam alone twice now), throughout the nation, and beyond.

And for those of you readers who are here for cute pictures of my adventures and not a diegesis on the international state of educational affairs (Hi, Hannah), here is 1) a shot of the chalkboard with the crazy confusing schedule in the adorable teachers’ lounge featuring my stuff and a mug of coffee from the 2) crazy awesome beverage machine that teachers visit between just about every class. If for nothing else (but plenty much else), this school is certainly my kind of place.

 

doing dutch things

Goedenavond.

Since Charity and I aren’t in the schools yet and Bibi had the day off, she took us out on another incredible trip. We first visited the nearby IKEA, then went to Kinderdijk (a UNESCO World Heritage site with nineteen functioning 18th-century windmills), Dordrecht (one of the oldest, most historic port cities in the area), and Rotterdam (where she and Nico work at 01-10 Architecten and own several apartments within the city). Along the way I learned many new Dutch words and phrases, and I feel like we engaged in several classic Netherlands moments, such as…

Wearing (and sitting in) wooden shoes.

Touring the inside of a windmill.

Hanging with a miller (or, at least, posing for a picture with him and his wooden shoes).

Trying poffertjes, then making up a song about how great they are: Poffertjes zijn super lekker, Poffertjes zijn super lekker, Poffertjes zijn super lekker, Super lekker goed! (I then, of course, had to share the oddly similar Plevka family classic: Kolaches, kolaches, they’re Helen’s favorite food; Kolaches, kolaches, they’re really really good! Hope I get to sing that one in the Czech Republic in December.

Having morning drinks (the BEST iced coffee ever) and afternoon treats (fresh mint tea and coconut macaroons).

And, of course, riding bikes.

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Tomorrow I’ll attend school for the first time. I hope the students are just as excited to be there as I am, or at least maybe a little more than these kinderen were:

 

getting here, settling in, and being pinched

Hallo from the rocking chair in my little Dutch room for the next seven weeks. Crazy to believe that within a still countable number of hours (but not countable enough that it won’t mess with my head), I was still living my normal life in Normal, and now here I am, 4,000 miles away, still my normal self but in an entirely different place. A brief outline of these couple days’ journey:

car

Rewinding just a little bit from where my previous post

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Good old Channa-heck.

left off, I want to make sure and give internet thanks to my parents for driving me up to O’Hare Friday afternoon. No trip that way is complete without a spin around the cul-de-sac of our former home–those flower boxes are sure neat, but I hope no other two-year-olds have locked themselves in that bedroom.

Also thanks to Mom and Dad for handling my terminal mishap–whereas I assumed that International Terminal meant, why yes, I am in fact traveling internationally, I should go to the International Terminal, when flying with a domestic provider (United), the terminal is not the same but is luckily just a tram ride with an Austrian baseball team away. From there, I printed my boarding pass, checked my baggage, and found my place in the winding line to security.
Again, it’s always difficult during those last parting moments, and even writing about it now makes me a little choky as I think about my dad saying things like, “We’ll tell ya how Elsie is!” but I know they have confidence in their little international traveler (from a  domestic provider), and away I went.

airplane
More thanks to be expressed to my captain Nancy

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Good morning, England. Looking good down there.

for a smooth ride. Really nothing too notable about the flight; I just listened to music, read a little, wrote a little, and watched Soul Surfer play three times through on the screen of the person across from me. Oh, and the “crunchy snack mix” was delicious. Would recommend to a friend (like my mom–an abundance of sesame oat bran sticks!).

Stepped off the plane and arrived at Schipohl, Amsterdam’s airport, which I saw advertised as the world’s most relaxed airport. Right on. Had no problems making my way around, and when the customs officer asked what I was doing in the Netherlands, I got my classic moment of zealously declaring, “I am going to teach English to Dutch children!”

train

After just a little bit of wandering and sitting around the airport, Charity’s (the other EIU student) flight arrived. We found each other relatively easily, fought with the ATMs for a while, then purchased our OV chip cards for all public transportation around Holland.

Whereas that earlier paragraph brought on some near-tear feelings…typing this part is just making me cringe. Our hosts gave us very specific directions about which train to find and get on the direct route from Amsterdam to Rotterdam. I thought we had done alright until we received this news on board: “There are two things wrong: You’re sitting in first class, and you don’t have a ticket.” Somehow by taking an elevator instead of the escalator to the platform, we missed where to swipe our cards, and by just following a group of people on board, we ended up in the wrong seats. Thankfully the man reduced our fines significantly. The embarrassment makes up for the rest.

car again

This time, not Grady, my dad’s Ford Escape, but a hybrid Mitsubishi driven by one of our hosts. Upon arriving at Rotterdam Central Station, Charity and I were tasked with matching a picture with the correct tall, white-haired man with glasses (which is apparently a common look among Dutch men), until a pair of friendly hands clapped us on the shoulders from behind and welcomed us to the Netherlands.

Nico first gave us a driving tour around the city of Rotterdam, then through a tunnel and onto the island that holds our home village, Oud-Beijerland. Described by his wife as a walking-encyclopedia, he certainly shared a plethora of history and observations about everything we saw. He also noted my attemptedly-stifeld yawns from the passenger seat.

I gained some energy, though, when we arrived home and were greeted with hugs and kisses from Bibi. We were given a little time to settle into our rooms then met back downstairs to eat a little and talk a lot.

Nico is a highly reputable architect–villages, office buildings, hotels, schools, churches, although no hospitals…yet. Bibi works equally hard in their office in addition to doing immense volunteer work and keeping up with their several (also highly reputable) airbnb properties around Rotterdam. Even just the bio on that site begins to express how incredible this couple is. I’m in love with their love and in love with their life.

A life spent working crazy hard during the week so that they can sit around and eat bread
with a couple American girls on the weekend. In fact, our first three meals here were just that. A loaf of bread (and sometimes croissants) set out amidst butter, hummus, many different cheeses, smoked salmon, vegetables, peanut butter, Nutella, and–possibly my favorite–Speculoos, to be described below. The proper Dutch “sandwich” (or at least the way I have caught on from watching them as I try to minimize the inevitable pile of messy-eater crumbs that surrounds me Pigpen) is just one slice with one, sometimes two, choices on top.

I love bread. But I also love feeling good about my body. And it all works out because I love cycling and walking, the favorite Dutch forms of transportation, the latter of which we did next.

foot
Right outside their home, a path begins that winds beside a creek, past some sheep, and along rows of similarly-built houses, all with their blinds widely drawn so passers-by can look in and admire the inside. Bibi explained that because the weather is often so rainy and gloomy out, the Dutch focus a lot on interior design, and leaving windows open is a standard expectation so that neighbors know nothing improper is happening in there. All very interesting, alongside the fascinating off-hand observations Nico makes as an architect along the way.

After a short rest at home, we returned outside for a walk to Lidl, the major competitor and very close imitator of Aldi’s. Anyone who knows how much I love grocery shopping can imagine how much I enjoyed walking up and down the aisles, noticing the different items, reading the names.

Nico and Bibi picked up several items for us to get a true taste of the Netherlands. As a major port nation, the Dutch acquired spices through coastal trading, including cinnamon and nutmeg, that became important commodities and eventual staples in their treats. Among different variations on biscuits, of which I have only sampled a few so far, is also that amazing spreadable version, Speculoos. Definitely bringing a jar or so home.

It was the last thing I ate that evening before falling into my crazy comfortable bed and
falling into a deep and much-needed sleep, to recover from a few days’ travel and to prepare for the next day’s adventures.

This post is already long enough and the promise of bread is calling me downstairs, so I’ll let some pictures from our trip to Willemstad–a nearby small historic town surrounded by preserved fortifications from war–stand alone, like standing alone in the stocks.

Oh! And the getting pinched part. As we were walking around Willemstad, Bibi voiced the same ideas I had been having about just how nuts traveling is, and she pinched me just to make sure I am really here in the Netherlands. I am!

 

sitting in an airport

11 minutes and 25 seconds left of my complimentary wifi to compose the blog post I haven’t been writing for weeks on weeks. I had this great idea of recreating my ten days post and picture that preceded my trip to Harlaxton in Summer 2013, then ten days passed. Then nine. Then eight. And the whole past week has been nuts. Life has been nuts in general, and here I am, sitting in an airport, about to embark for almost in the Netherlands. Wow.

So while I had all intentions of getting all reflectiony and considering all the ways I have changed since my first time abroad, how I have developed into this totally cool international traveler, teacher, and thinker (hah), I think my ticking time is best left spent recording this delightful O’Hare moment:

Got a little teary after my parents hugged and scooted out of the line as I entered security, but it quickly subsided when I reached the friendly passport-checking guy with a crazy long beard, complimenting my comfy looking scarf. I complimented his comfy looking sweater. He told me it’s government-issued, it’s not comfy, but he gives good hugs. Okay bye, I am going to leave the country now.